By Tracey Lady-Otsana Lane
Fitting in a group that is not right for you is very much like trying to put a round peg in a square hole.
Either you will get about half way in and be forced out because you just don't fit, or you'll force yourself all the way in and lose your original form all together...
Wanting to belong can be a way that we disregard our boundaries for a false version of reality, which can never truly be. In groups, remembering that people are who they are, and they are where they are at can help with learning when to let go. While your presence does impact and influence those around you...
By Tracey Lady-Otsana Lana
Recently I received one of the most moving and lovely invites, of which I've not experienced in some time, from a beautiful feminine soul the other day. It was a call to build sisterhood, something I've never quite had the pleasure to fully experience. Now don't get me wrong, I've had a few female friends back in highschool, but I've not had female "best friends" since. I began asking myself questions about this and wondering why. Not but just a few days later, I had generated my answer.
By Ruth Diaz
As this model has grown in reputation, I have started getting the question: did you create this? My answer, after feeling my belly freeze and a sense of helplessness in never yet being able to find the words to explain that this is not "my Model," is usually something as if I tucked my tail between my legs, "It came through me." Does a mother create her child? Is it a co-creation? What about a surrogate mother? Would we say that she created the child who's genetic makeup completely originates from two others? These are the visuals and questions I have struggled with ever since I started teaching the first few layers in last fall.
One of my dearest friends and colleagues recently pointed out that Newton did not create gravity, he discovered it and explained it in a way that
A colleague of mine published a blog today on “Surviving Depression” and encouraged his readers to keep looking for the light. He summarized depression as "… just one more broken opportunity to watch for the light around you and the light within you.” It’s hard to read the words “broken opportunity” because to me it reinforces the disconnect. With my therapeutic orientation being Gestalt, depression is explained as a hopelessness and collapse around getting our needs met from our environment - it is the absence of feeling connected in a meaningful or fulfilling way. Maybe I would say that depression is a way to feel the ground and search for the light from within and without you. One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t bandage the wound too tightly, that is where the light gets out." The darkness helps us open our eyes differently and see the world in a new way. Just like nighttime and winter, it is a necessary rhythm of fallowness or mystery that allows us to appreciate the light and colors when they return to our awareness.
My friend also published a blog today on choosing discomfort. As a therapist I support my clients in going to the edge of uncomfortable, and coming back to comfortable--repeatedly.
"When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. and when you choose to connect with others under stress, you create resilience.... Stress gives us access to our heart.... the compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others....
"....when you choose to view stress in this way, you're not just getting better at stress, you are saying that you can trust yourself to handle life's challenges, and you're remembering that you don't have to face them alone. "
Favorite Quote: "When we get curious we step out of our old fear based reactive patterns and we step into being."
It takes a village
... to raise a model(?)
Since this site was constructed because of multiple requests to have access to this model remotely, the site is dedicated to those who are most curious and willing to trust whatever captured their interest and hearts. Some of these people have volunteered or expressed interest in contributing and/or supporting the model's health and growth. Long story short, we have some new editors (and potential contributors) to the website. As the title says, "it takes a village" to raise anyone up... and often this model feels like a living organism that is growing through the minds and hearts of all those who learn and use it to re-balance and reconnect with heart. Please welcome Erica and Bethany as editors. As the model is free and offered without need or requirement, so is their service invited and accepted with gratitude. Whatever pulled you both to offer your support, thank you.
-Site Founder (RD)
My holiday vacation renewed me so that I could return to my job far away from the land I call home. Moments of friends, family, and laughter filled me with the strength to pack up as the time grew near for me to leave for the airport. Knowing I only had a couple hours before it was time to go, my family invited me to choose the final activity we did together with me there. I offered to show my family this model and the website I had been working on building over the last few months. Everyone mostly looked away and found something else to do. I yielded (although feeling somewhat crushed that they weren’t even curious!) and proposed we play a game. My cousin brought up a card game called ‘crimes against humanity,’ which I have never played but have heard enough to feel caution about my ability to enjoy or play it. I mentioned my concerns (about joking about real world events that hold so much pain underneath them) and asked my family if they thought I would enjoy it. My sister chimed in and stated solemnly that it was unlikely I would have fun participating. Then, I pulled out a puzzle from my suitcase that I had brought on a whim just in case we had time to figure out the picture together (I am doing puzzles these days without knowing what the pictures are). Instead of playing a game that I'm guessing is very polarizing in relationships, we ended up gathering around a table and doing this time-pressured puzzle put-together (because I had to drive to the airport soon). It was weirdly fun to try and get as much done as we could… a collaborative connecting while knowing that I would probably leave before it was done.
As I drove up to the airport an hour later, the final picture arrived by text (volunteered by my family) as a celebration/goodbye. I was in awe realizing that speaking from my heart about my humanness, and redirecting as a challenger with bite-sized pieces that could help us all create connection, which now in this photo will be preserved forever as a fun Christmas memory... worked! :)
So, this first blog was inspired by a friend and colleague mentioning this website on his blog. John Fitzgerald, Ph.D. runs a highly popular addictions treatment blog and mentioned this model in his post on understanding our internal polarities in relationship to our addiction patterns. Find his entire blog post here
Community of Authors
This is a blog about understanding Relationships within and around us through reflections in our community. Posts here will cover how organizations, groups, and individuals incorporate the D.O.T. model in their lives.